I know

People have been telling me and saying the same things. Why do you want to be with someone that constantly make you cry and isolated? He is not your husband, certainly not someone who feeds you or that you depend on to live. So why? 

Why, you people ask me?

I have no idea. Maybe love is still blind for me after 2 years. I can't deny my feelings. But I agree, I've suffered. I'm in pain. I'm deeply affected by littlest things by him. Be it good or bad. I tried hard to keep cool with everything. But it's really difficult. It really is.

I surrender. I'm not giving up trying, but i give up trying to act cool with it. I've my feelings to be taken care of. He wouldn't. I would, but I need time, I need more energy, more confidence.

My head hurts from all of these, but I just want to solve it now. I don't want to delay it much further. He just wants to put it aside and pretend it doesn't exist. What about me? Doesn't he care to think how I may be feeling? How I'm doing?

I'm scared of being common or same as others. And I definitely won't admit loss to people that I've surpassed. It may seem like my situation is heading the way as it did with others, but inside, I hate it. I hate how similar it is going to be. I hate getting the same treatments be it good or bad. I hate getting the same ending just like any other. I hate them all. Which was why I strive to make things myself. Create my own ways, my own behavior. But in the end, it's all the same result that I get. And I hate it. 

My heart is heavy. It's been heavy for the past few weeks. It's been close to a month already. I don't know how he feels towards me. It's been a confusing month. In just one conversation there can be two judgement. One positive and one negative. 

I simply hate the way he treats me. I hate the way he thinks. Things have to end.