The Things I Do, The Things They Do

For days I've been having suicidal attempts at home. For hours I've been coped up in my room.

Why do I still o the things for them when it's not being appreciated? I still get scoldings, I still get humiliated, I'm still not respected. So why is it that I'm still doing everything for them? All the while they were being so calculative towards me.

This feeling of being uncared for is stripping my tear ducts out. I feel like stabbing myself with the knife I see when I enter the kitchen. I feel like cutting myself when I glanced through the scissors on my study table.

You asked me what's wrong, and all I could say is nothing when on the inside I'm actually crying for help. I'm crying out to be cared for. I'm crying out to be loved. But what do I get? I get scoldings from people closest to my heart. I'm simply pushed aside by them, thinking I'm nothing to them.

Every night I enter my dreams and I'm happy. But when I wake up, I just don't want to wake up. In this real world, no one understands me. No one knows what I need, even if I told them.

My whole life I lived like a slave, a servant. I serve others. And others just laugh at me. Laugh at my dumbness, my stupidity, my appearance, my confidence, my everything. You leave nothing to me. Take everything and leave me crying.

I have no more to give. I can't give. I can't even give myself the respect I need. Stop talking bullshit to me. I know they are not real and sincere. I'm another tool to be used by you.

I understand now. I'm a problem to everyone. Thanks to you, I understand now.