Can You Feel It Honey?

Now it's just like "everyone have their own problems, and they're just minding their problems". That's how I feel towards my uni mate. It's kind of like I'm the one watching my story in other people's place. And I figured, well maybe that's why it didn't happen. I'm sorry, you don't understand? Too confusing? Yeah. That's my objective.

For sure that I need time to "Alt+F4" my feelings that I harboured on him for 2 years. 2 years! How could someone actually be with someone without really whole heartedly loving them? This is just a part of life I have to go through. I see everyone walking past me and I remind myself that these people also went through the same thing and they are doing OK. So why not me? I'm trying.

It really hurts knowing that the person you love don't really love you back the way you do. It's like being cheated emotionally. But then, what is the point of me moping around when I'm nothing significant or special to him? And I tell myself everyday I don't want to end up going through what my mom went through. All the divorces and affairs. It will be too late to be sorry then.

I allow myself to cry, to cry the one month tear that I kept within myself. I cried the night before my birthday, I cried so badly my throat hurts. My eyes hurts. My head spins round and round and it felt like someone is hammering into my head as I let the tears flow. I didn't know why I cried that night. But I couldn't stop. And I don't know when it happend. It just happened. I just cried. That's how it felt like crying 30 days of tears in one night.

I believe one day I'll meet someone who will treat me better. Someone who would finally love me more than he loves himself. Someone who would give no matter what, as I would. Someone who'd truly understand me and not just saying it.

I know it meant nothing to him. Just another girl, NEXT! Then let him be. Why tell him his faults? Why teach him what to do next time? There is absolutely no need of any of that. He never learns, and he never will. To even have so much of him in this post it just makes this post so sick and disgusting.

I feel like there are lots of things to do but I can't seem to figure out what the tasks are. I know I have to bring Lucky to the vet on 10th April, eat medicine twice a day, go to the dentist, then what else? I want to dye my hair in April. Then I'll go to Singapore to meet my sister and friends there. I already miss my sister. I even cried this morning when I missed saying goodbye and walking them to the door. I'm such a cry baby. But at least I show emotions. Unlike someone.

Jac